While we are all turning to God for help during this time, there is an account on Twitter called TheTweetOfGod which has a lot of savage thoughts about the pandemic.
God has six million followers on Twitter. But he follows only one account: Justin Bieber. What’s so special about the pop singer? “From what God told me, he only follows close family members. That’s all I could get out of him,” answers David Javerbaum, who runs the hugely popular @TheTweetOfGod account.
While the snarky content is mostly aimed at American politics, climate change deniers, and the general state of the world, a recent tweet brought up India. “Just so you don’t think I’m totally obsessed with America, #RIPSushmaSwaraj. People like her are why the Indian god market is worth fighting for”, it read.
In case you were wondering why your prayers might not be working this month, God has stated that He is “taking time off” to write His newest testament while on a ‘workation’ on the planet Bethselamin from The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.
More info: TheTweetOfGod
I work from home in mysterious ways.
— God (@TheTweetOfGod) April 4, 2020
Speaking of God’s Social Media Manager, he said: “He’s an idiot,” said God, claiming that though he himself is a genius, his earthly secretary was a “no-good drivelling moron”. Speaking from Los Angeles a week after this exchange, Javerbaum keeps up with the act that he isn’t God, but merely works with/for him. I play along.
I didn’t send it.
I didn’t spread it.
I can’t prevent it.
I can’t cure it.
I’m not punishing you.
I’m not protecting you.
I have absolutely positively nothing to do with it.
And, worst of all, I’m not taking requests.
— God (@TheTweetOfGod) March 29, 2020
Counting on Me to fix the virus?
You’re wrong, and I’ll tell you why in a few weeks when I see you in person.
— God (@TheTweetOfGod) April 2, 2020
Everyone’s asking to skip forward to 2021.
Trust Me, you don’t want that.
— God (@TheTweetOfGod) March 30, 2020
Everyone knows how God created man, but what is the tale behind the genesis of his Twitter account? “He said ‘I want to communicate with people and need someone funny to help punch up my jokes’. He knew I was one of his chosen people, which helped,” explains Javerbaum. Back in 2010, they began working on a book — The Last Testament: A Memoir by God. “Working with God, it was easy to get a publishing deal with Simon and Schuster,” he says. His editor pointed him to Twitter, which was just gaining popularity, and the account caught on. “I guess God and I were pretty good at it,” he looks back.
Sooner or later the death rate is 100%.
— God (@TheTweetOfGod) March 31, 2020
In case you want to reach David and talk to God, don’t hold your breath. “God replies to tweets exactly as often as he replies to prayers from other people,” he said.
At those darkest moments when it feels like I’ve abandoned you, remember: I was never with you to begin with.
— God (@TheTweetOfGod) July 13, 2019
God tweets and sometimes re-tweets others with comments, but doesn’t engage so much in arguments, discussions, conversations. Can followers elicit a quick-witted reaction?
God’s rival Satan also had a similar parody Twitter account. However, due to a change in Twitter’s content policy, the Prince of Darkness got banned. Though the two accounts are quite similar, they weren’t created by the same person. And in the fight for our everlasting souls on social media, God came out victorious in the end.
The stupid will kill you all.
— God (@TheTweetOfGod) March 23, 2020
I am postponing Armageddon.
This is how bad it’s gotten. I’m cancelling the end of the world because of the end of the world.
— God (@TheTweetOfGod) March 12, 2020
When the book eventually came out in 2011, people thought it was derivative of the Twitter account, though it wasn’t quite so. Nevertheless, Javerbaum is very proud of it: “It’s God looking back at the Bible and the New Testament and a lot of other aspects of human life. I would take a little less Twitter popularity for a little more book sales!” Meanwhile, the online popularity made tweeting addictive for him. “It’s very hard to stop… The likes and the re-tweets going up and up, and it gets your pheromones going,” he says.
A few years later, he was approached by a Broadway producer about turning the account into a stage play. The Act of God played on Broadway for two consecutive summers and went all over the world. It is yet to be performed in India, and he would love for that to happen someday soon. He is also on the verge of expanding into two other areas of entertainment. “I may have a couple of cool things to announce soon,” he told The Hindu.
Thanks for the concern all, but I’m just taking time off to write My newest testament while on a working vacation on Bethselamin.
I will return angrier, wittier, and more ineffective than ever in September, just in time for lack-to-school.
In My absence, no one is in charge.
— God (@TheTweetOfGod) August 1, 2020
I apologize to some of you for the rest of you.
— God (@TheTweetOfGod) June 9, 2020
Javerbaum lets us in on the secret that through this Twitter account, God is desperate to get into the Indian market — “the 33 crore gods are calling to him.” What explains this knowledge of our politics, personalities and celebrities? “It’s the largest market other than China. But China has no Twitter, and even God doesn’t understand Chinese,” says Javerbaum, who is yet to visit the subcontinent.
Never in human history have I gotten so many prayers from atheists.
— God (@TheTweetOfGod) June 5, 2020
My aim’s not what it used to be. https://t.co/pziTcEsQbR
— God (@TheTweetOfGod) June 5, 2020
There has been a flip side to success. Five years ago, the account was hacked, after which Javerbaum quit for a year and a half. Many have been offended, but “not as many as [I] would have wanted”. Twitter itself has suspended his account twice. First, for a tweet that was mistakenly thought of as anti-gay, whereas it was anything but. Second, it was with a genuine reason: the background picture in his account had a blue tick despite his own account remaining resolutely unverified. “It’s a Twitter trademark that can’t be used without permission.” Even by God, who supposedly should need no validation.
Ask why there is an irreverent, at times cynical, view of the government, religion, institutions, and also climate change, and he counters, “I won’t say ‘at times’. It’s always cynical.” Do Donald Trump in the US and many of his ilk provide him ample material? “The only time there would be no material for satire will be in a perfect world. And I don’t see that coming any time soon. I do think that if it were a perfect world, my [in]ability to make fun of it would be a small price to pay,” he says.
I have lost control of the situation.
— God (@TheTweetOfGod) May 28, 2020